Temperance My Ass

:) So, epic fail. I went to the store to buy stuff, and I got a lot of stuff.

Also, and here's the clinker, I spent money we don't even have. We do, because it's in savings, but we don't because it's savings. And I'll pay it off when we get paid, but in the mean time it's a negative balance.... And it's not the first time. But it super stresses me out.

So, most blogs are about actual topics and are written by real (or imagined) experts. Recipe blogs, crafting blogs, health blogs, frugality blogs. Tips and successes! Whoohooo successes!

Yeah, not so much this one. This one is more like a confessional blog. Like, I wish I were into quilting and crafting and cooking and budgeting, but I'm not. And I really don't have any expert advise to provide to anyone. Also, I hate being frugal. I like Starbucks and this really good and really expensive salami I found at the grocery and wine and Jolly Pumpkin beer and dark, dark chocolate. I enjoy my budget busted. It's just how I roll.

But also, I don't, because I want to pay off debt (student loans) and save for the future and save for a house. And in a way, I feel great discouragement because living on one modest salary doesn't allow all of the above. It's either Aldi (and you might say, "But they have wine and dark chocolate!" and I'll promptly reply, "Have you tasted them?") and Good Will or Meijer and American Apparel. And as of late I've chosen the later because I'm tired and need "something to make the waiting sweeter." But it's at the expense of paying off debt and saving. It's hard to motivate myself for such a far off and intangible goal. How can I be happy to drink crappy coffee and eat shitty food while working a very stressful night-shift job and caring for (being able to do nothing to help) my sick husband and doing perpetual laundry and dishes and providing food for my family and all the physical care of a little one. How can everything in life be hard and unenjoyable? And I know that sweet, little, African children have it far worse--they have no parents or food and are mutilated and abused. So, how dare I complain. But I do. I do complain. Because this is not an inspirational blog, it is a real one. And I really do complain. And I really am thankful. Thankful for Simon and our house and my little girl and provision. I just need "something to make the waiting sweeter."