Ethnic Slur

Hello. So, I've decided the Paleo is stupid and expensive. I'm still into the idea of eating more meat. Just not into the idea of eliminating entire, delicious food groups. Just doesn't make sense. Even if I'd look like a Cheetah. Rather be a Polack. I can say that. I am one.

So, not sure how the babe is doing. Mr. Simon babe that is. I've worked the last two nights and that makes for little time for interaction. When I get up, he's shot and needing a break from little Babe, and I try to get a little quality time in with her between baths and laundry and cooking and dishes, which means quick pecks and communication grunts between him and me. I know he's not the worst, but I can tell he's in the red.

I was thinking, I really should get a blog emphasis. Instead of just meandering along. Maybe that is my emphasis. But I'm not aimless, just without blog focus.

I've been so delighted by my baby lately. She's such a little joy. Really, truely, wholly such a blessing. A fulfilling gift. I never thought I'd have a little cuke in my care, and let me tell you, I'm so happy to have. I think I was in a constant state of elation for like her entire first year (and of terror of SAD), then I got really tired. And discouraged. And disheartened from life. And I enjoyed her less and that is a shame. But the Boy and I have done a lot of talking and have come to some good conclusions about our life and our goals and hopes and dreams and I've got a lot of peace and a lot of joy back. And calm. And she brings us a lot of joy.

In a superficial twist, the Kid will be 2 soon and I've been trying to decide what to get her for her birthday. I want it to be magnificant. Not just a good birthday, epic. I want to buy her a million toys and some dresses (she loves dresses) and German Muzzy. Mr. Simon says we shouldn't because she'll never remember (and it's not in the budget). And he's right, she won't and it's not. But I still want it to be an epic birthday. I want her to feel celebrated. And so does he. It's amazing really how much of our actions are dictated by the unhealthy or unpleasant parts of our past. I felt unknown and uncared for on my birthday. My reaction is to buy a bunch of stuff and call that caring, but that's not the heart of it. Giving a gift that someone truely will love, big or small. Being present, with that person, and actually loving them. That's amazing. Caring enough to put time and thought into making the day special for them, in ways that they will feel love and care and know that that they are known. That is what is important. Not stuff. But stuff is fun too. Though it matters less than the intent. And the perfect present given without love feels like hate. Still, the Kid is in serious need of some toys. She's got mostly baby stuff! But I will try temper my reactive impulse to buy the whole store in an attempt to fully love my Kid. Why can't she have real love and affection and great toys too? Baaah. God help me. I come from a long line of Polish excess.